not good, not good at all

so how do you know that this time, you're serious. this time, you mean it. this time, you're going to kick cellulite's ass.

i thought this was going to be it.

then i realized, there is no "thought" about it. you have to make it so. i keep thinking that i need to feel really amped up about my weight loss. that i have to feel really motivated. the truth is, it's got nothing to do with how i feel.

i know this might be a weird comparison, but i was thinking about tom and comparing the two situations. i love tom with all of my heart- nothing can change that. however, when we're not at our best and we're pushing eachother's buttons, i don't always like him. it's the commitment we have to eachother though that gets us through those slumps.

((i know, i told you this was weird...))

same thing with WW. i shouldn't have to feel all high and emotional about it. i just need to be committed to it no matter how motivated i do (or don't) feel at the moment.

anyways, soap box speech. i'm in a slump. this is where i would give up and i've only just begun. we can't seem to find our old WW materials (moving every year will have repercussions like this) and i know that's not helping. i don't feel equipped to be embarking on this right now. however, i know that there are plenty of resources out there and if i would just take advantage of them, i would be on a good path.

keep it up everyone! i really enjoy reading everyone's stories and hearing about how their week is going. it's motivating and encouraging.

warming up

well, we're here and we're climbing on the bandwagon. tom's been considering surgery to help him with his struggle with weight and i keep thinking that when he starts his diet, i'll start mine. we're a dangerous combo sometimes.

i've done WW several times in the past and always with success. the first time, tom and i had just started dating and i actually lost 20 pounds relatively easily. i did it with a girl friend and she was an amazing source of support. we went walking together every morning and we cooked together every night. it made it seem easy to lose weight.

fast forward to my post-baby body after we had stella (who's now 2, for anyone out there who doesn't read our blog). tom and i decided to go back to WW. i was probably a good 30 pounds heavier than i was when i went the first time. i chalked it up to baby weight. we lost weight- slowly but surely. i felt motivated, but tom was struggling. he was losing weight, but not nearly as quickly as he thought he should be. due to the discouragement he was feeling (and probably finances) we quit going and the "lifestyle change" was abandoned.

after i had our youngest in may, my body had shrunk. i actually lost weight during pregnancy that time! i was 17 pounds lighter post partum than i was when i first found out i was prego! alas, it didn't last. i have no idea what my current weight is but i'd be willing to guess that i've put those 20+ pounds back on my body.

i used to be super athletic. i ran track in high school. i loved to run. i was one of those people who would wake up and run 4 miles as a warm up. when i got home from school/ work, i would go run 7 more miles. i loved how my body felt and i loved how i looked. now i'm no dummy. i know i'll never have that body back. it's suffered it's fair share of abuse over the years, but i do know that i long to run again. i have this strange dream stuck in my head to run the new york marathon someday. my family and close friends have even said they'd fly out to watch me do it.

i want to participate more in my kid's lives. i want to be able to keep up and chase them while they learn to ride their two wheelers someday.

i would love to wear a bathing suit with confidence again. pre-kids, i was much more secure with myself than i am now. i miss that and i definitely want to pass a healthy body image and good confidence on to my girls.

these are my goals. summed up, i long to be healthy.

so the plan is to jump in with both feet starting on monday. i have no idea if we'll go to meetings, but we're certainly planning on following the WW plan. and the only reason that i say that we're starting monday and not tomorrow is because we need to go grocery shopping. :)

so... here's to better decisions!